Insulting…Are You Joking?

I  saw this title recently on a Lesbian website: “BEWARE: LESBIAN COUGARS ON THE PROWL A new transgenerational dating site aims to connect older women with younger ones.”

As an older lesbian I am offended by this title because it perpetuates the notion that lesbians who are NOT the stereotypical “Dumb As A BOX of Rocks” teen to mid 20 something” are sexual predators looking for younger lesbians to seduce.  Here is the fucking TRUTH: Younger lesbians are the predators seeking older lesbians for experience and knowledge or worse yet: RESOURCES.

The truth is that despite the article claiming that cougars get a bad rap and that no one is rushing to call Ellen Degeneres a cougar, that’s exactly what she is and more importantly Portia (diRossi) Degeneres is a Gold Digger for targeting Ellen when she was still in an active relationship with Alexandra Hedison and I’m not the only one that thinks this. Portia is currently unemployed and living a life of leisure (although she is rumoured to be in possible movie based on the television show: Arrested Development). Writing a book doesn’t count because, I am writing a book. Now imagine how easy it is to get your famous older lover to get your book published and promoted on her popular television show.

As an individual who has dated women who are significantly younger I can tell you that there are certain universal realities that hold true.

1. Shared generational experiences matter (There are certain things you will experience when you reach particular ages) and being with someone who understands that helps.

2. One’s Identity is usually established with age (If a woman is emotionally mature, then she knows who she is and what she wants).

I don’t spend time wondering why the woman who claims to be straight is spending so much time with me (as in the movie: Elena Undone). Believe me in reality as in the movie (Peyton KNEW what was up) and the “straight” woman usually isn’t straight.

I don’t spend time looking for a “sense of self” in a comic with a lesbian character.

When an older lesbian tells me her experience that would lead her to not want to date me, I don’t act confused and try to change her mind by claiming that age is just a number or questioning her experience.

There’s a physiological reason older women date younger men and it is sexual vigor. If an older lesbian has to teach a younger one sexual tricks then what’s in it for the older lesbian except to have a “Trophy”? Of course there are exceptions to every rule and there may be the one in a million couple that defies expectations and lasts, but that is why it’s a “exception.” I’ve dated younger women who were academically mature, one was a PhD a molecular biologist at the age of 22, and guess what? She has “Smurfs” painted on her fingernails.

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