The Official Defense of: Charlize Theron

U Don’t F#@! with Gia Carangi and U Don’t F#$! with Charlize Theron Either…

I saw the movie the day it opened and my neighbor saw Snow White and the Huntsman during the http://www.moviesandtvhistoryguy.com/charlize-theron-queen.jpgweekend we had The Storm Of The Year.  

Funny how 500,000 people were without electricity for up to 10 days and yet none of the movie theaters lost power. Was this Hollywood’s attempt to boost sagging ticket sales? 

I almost expected to see George W. Bush fly over in a helicopter ala Katrina style.

But I digress.  Yes it’s official: Two astute movie goers [My neighbor and Myself] agree that Charlize Theron surely deserves an Oscar nomination for her portrayal of Ravenna the: “Evil Queen” [whether she should win is quite another story] and that if anyone should be blamed for: Snow White and the Huntsman being perceived as “Bleh” it’s Kristen Stewart and her ”Dull as Dishwater" performance as the misbegotten heir o the throne that Theron’s evil queen usurps. 

The  real star of the movie is undoubtedly Charlize Theron as the wicked queen, who is obsessed with preserving her looks and her own, highly individualized take on women’s rights [which didn’t exist during this Medieval fantasy].

Therefore of course one cannot criticize a movie because the antagonist  alludes to thinly veiled feminism during a time when feminism didn’t openly exist! OMFG are you serious!?

Anywho, Theron is so DAMN fine as she hisses ‘Men use women [what else is new]! Beauty is power!’, while assassinating her new husband the king, Snow White’s father.

Where Julia Roberts in Tarsem Singh’s [Director of The Cell, which is one of my favorite movies] version of the Snow White legend Mirror Mirror was content to give a wink-wink performance, Theron goes for the full Joan 

Crawford: “No Wire Hangers!” http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HQppT1u4s-w/T3IX_W2KUvI/AAAAAAAAKTM/_P_O1WQnyLs/s320/mommy-dearest.jpg — and 

she’s genuinely scary. 


Oh and did I say Theron is Effin BEAUTIFUL?! My neighbor agrees, so it’s official Charlize Theron is a beautiful great actress.

 Don’t get me started on Stewart’s expressionless performance.  Whether she’s dead panning through the Twilight Trilogy or boring me into a near coma during SWATH, I am confounded by her. 

Who’s daughter is she that she was able to star in a feature film with an "A" List Academy Award winning actress [Theron], after NOT taking a single acting class? Is her film career “On The Job Training” or what?

Denial Isn’t A River In Egypt:

Insight into Theron’s evil Queen character reveals that she’s not so much evil as delusional. A couple of telling cutaways show that the mirror on her wall is not real but a psychotic extension of herself. 

The sheild on the wall behind Theron's Ravenna. is NOT a mirror.

Egotistical and high-maintenance, she steals youth and beauty from her subjects by literally sucking the life out of them. 

Similar to how that virtual menstrual sponge: AfterEllen tries to suck the life out of genuine lesbians by misreporting that America's 1st Super Model: Gia Carangi was bisexual.  She was a LESBIAN, read her biography bitches.

The Queen’s disassociated self [in the form of the mirror gives her the bright idea of eating the heart of her stepdaughter] Snow White (Kristen Stewart, 

This fairy tale is a lot tougher and less child-friendly than most fantasies and is reminiscent of the movie Bathory Countess of Blood [2008]: Where Countess Elizabeth Bathory and four collaborators were accused of torturing and killing hundreds http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--_J3oGRoon4/TV3EM9dLBlI/AAAAAAAAACU/clj6MdqqgOA/s1600/monsters_3_elizabeth_L.jpgof girls. Leading to legendary accounts of the Countess bathing in the blood of virgins.

Snow White And The Huntsman is aimed more at adults and unsuitable for most children regardless of their chronological age. Every time Kristen Stewart was onscreen, all I could think about was how long I would have to wait until I saw Theron again.


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